Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
