Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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