I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
you will always have a special place in my vag
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
