there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
