Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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