Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
