Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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