It's like God shit irony all over that family
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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