It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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