so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
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