I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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