I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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