Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
