I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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