Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
