he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
