i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Randomize
