The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
