You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
