I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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