Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
