i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
Randomize
