There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
