i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
