I just pynch a tree in the face
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
17 People Who Prepared For Spring Break The Right Way
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.