I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?