My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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