Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
