Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
