My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
