And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
A bitchslap is in order.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
