um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
