I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
