Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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