is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Randomize
