winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Randomize
