There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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