While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
