dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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