Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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