So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize