this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
