Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
my liver is dry heaving
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
