I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
