maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Randomize
