He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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