that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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