We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
