okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
