ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
