i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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