I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
