I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
we're making bets on your personal life
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
