Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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