hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
