He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
