Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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