I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
