is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
