Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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