alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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