Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every concussion has its silver lining
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Randomize