id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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