It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
