Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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