So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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