I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Randomize
