He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
