there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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