Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
