Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
