How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
