I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
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